The only constant in life is change.
This has never been more true and I think in the day & time we are in, most are taught to fear too many changes. Instead, we are only encouraged to change only if it brings you benefits. This however, is extremely subjective. ‘Benefits’ often are construed as more money, higher career ladder, getting married, going overseas for work/studies etc – in short, all the social norms we were taught to be ‘better’.
But I’ve recently felt the bane of it personally. As a high achiever & go-getter all my life, I kinda forgot/don’t know how it feels like not to make it. When things don’t work out, we have a million & one reasons to believe that it’s us, or completely shift the blame to others. More often than not, as with everything in life, it’s likely to be a little of each.
Yet everyday, we chastise ourselves for not making enough money, for not shooting better images than others, for not being able to jetset all over the world, not owning all that we want.
We tell ourselves, when we have all those things, we will be happy.
Yeah right. Who are we kidding, really?
I’ve wrote about achieving happiness from within before, and it is still something that I hold true. I am by no means saying we will be happy if we have NO money/material things – that’s utter nonsense to anyone that is living a remotely urban lifestyle – but does it mean that we will be happy (note how I used WILL, not WOULD/MIGHT/LIKELY) when we have those things? Perhaps it is precisely the chase of these things that are killing our happiness?
This recent week has been a challenge to me to say the least. It forced me to reflect if I really am happy where I’m at, more precisely, am I to drown myself in order to stay on at something that pays handsomely & promises the glitz & glamour of the corporate highflyer ladder. I am a fighter, people around me know me as a rather tenacious person, but the biggest question I had for myself was how long more can I silence the voice within me, the voice OF me, in order to persevere at something that unfortunately will be status quo?
So I had to decide when to cut my losses, acknowledge the fact that I did gave it my all to make it work (the results were already speaking for themselves) but still does not seem sufficient for some. In this process, I did a heck lot of self-reflection, wondering if there was anything else I could have done, or done differently, for a different outcome.
But there were none. That is the amazing power of the conscience, it does not lie. Neither can it be silenced.
So I took the plunge & decided not to look back. Yes, no doubt all the other ‘sweeteners’ would be nice to have, but when I thought carefully of what I NEED to get by, it ain’t that much. Most of all, I feel extremely lucky to have a second chance to really look into what I truly love & possibly pursue it.
I accepted that things did not work out.
It did not mean that I failed, it was just that we were not on the same page for the bridge to meet to begin with.
So, a brand new start (in time, anyway) – I’m thankful for that.
At the same time, I’ve been thinking about a particular individual. Should I extend my hand instead of waiting for him to take mine? We have been walking together for so long, at times we walked apart… but he has never failed to let me know he is by my side when I need it, always my listening ear.
But with the unknown in front of us now, I truly understand what it means for the greatest distance is the one where the person is literally next to you, but you are miles apart. And the irony is, when I’m halfway across the world & he is on my mind, it is as though he is right next to me…
I am prepared to walk the road ahead of me. And I am ready to walk it with someone too. But until one of us reaches out, I will walk alone with lots of courage & a heart filled with love for my passion – people, travel & photography.
I’m finally learning how to embrace life, with all its imperfections.